what causes a narcissistic parent to reverse scapegoat status of child

Concluding Updated on Apr 7, 2022 by

In families with 1 or more egotistic members, the dynamics are inherently dysfunctional. Children oftentimes grow up feeling confused, insecure, and afraid. They may non know who to trust, and they usually arraign themselves for the issues occurring at domicile.

Many times, a narcissist will use scapegoats to project their anger. Family Scapegoats permit them to displace all the blame onto something else. Rather than own personal accountability over their actions, the narcissist can continue to live how they normally alive without any real consequences. Let's get into what you should know.

What Are Family Scapegoat Children?

Family scapegoating refers to the group dynamic where everyone blames one person for the dysfunctional family. Instead of looking at all the potential factors in a particular state of affairs, the family can chop-chop presume one person has caused the distress.

Sometimes, these family scapegoats are fixed and permanent. That ways the scapegoat may remain in that role indefinitely.

The parent may choose any child to fulfill this part, only common family unit scapegoats include:

• Children with chronic sicknesses or handicaps
• Children with emotional sensitivities.
• Children born as a result of an unplanned pregnancy.
• Children who struggle in school or in sports.
• Children who naturally rebel against the family unit's structure.
• Stepchildren, fostered children, or adopted children.

Whatsoever of these traits can provide the narcissistic mother or begetter with leverage to scapegoat their child. The narcissist tin point to their behavior and arraign them for the family'south problems.

Family scapegoating tin can kickoff as early as infancy. For case, a Narcissistic parent may arraign a newborn for keeping them upwardly all dark.

Or, they may lament to a friend about how hard the infant is. This pattern may keep for many, many years.

Reading Suggestion: Is It Selfish To Motion Away From Family?

Sometimes, scapegoated children start out as gold children. They may receive all the praise and affection- until they don't. It may have just one event for the narcissistic father or female parent to dethrone their golden kid into a scapegoat.

Some common offenders include:

• The child suddenly starting to struggle in school.
• The kid dating someone that the parent doesn't similar.
• The child getting into trouble with the police force.
• The kid becoming "too successful" (which results in the narcissist'southward jealousy).
• The parent having another baby who becomes the golden child.

In some cases, the narcissist volition rotate the scapegoated child based on their mood and daily events. This rotation oftentimes happens when there are multiple children living in the same dwelling.

The rotation tin brand things especially disruptive for children- they never know if it'south going to exist a good day or a bad day. Additionally, they never know if what they get away with today could land them in serious trouble tomorrow.

The rotation can also cause massive rifts betwixt siblings. They become highly competitive with one another to gain the narcissist's approval.

Rather than bond and connect, they aim to tear each other down. The prize-winning the narcissist's attending- becomes their top priority.

What Happens to The Scapegoat Child?

During childhood and adolescence, many scapegoat children may struggle with the following problems:

• Poor cocky-esteem.
• Increased feet symptoms.
• Depression.
• Reckless beliefs (substance use, self-damage, unprotected sex, shoplifting).
• Poor academic performance.
• Issues with other authoritative figures like teachers, neighbors, or the police.
• Aggression and bullying other people.
• Matted eating.
• Limited or no motivation in outside hobbies or interests.

With family scapegoating, the behavior oft reinforces itself. For instance, a child may receive a poor grade in school.

The egotistic parent explodes and tells them how dumb they are. The child internalizes that they are dumb and that it's not worth even trying.

As a result, they continue to receive poor grades and "proving" the narcissist's claim to be true.

When they grow upwardly, scapegoated children may experience the post-obit:

Difficulty expressing their needs: From a young historic period, the scapegoat child learned to concur things within. Anything they said could and would often be used against them.

Equally a consequence, many scapegoat children have difficulty expressing their needs and feelings with others.

On i end of the extreme, they may come up across as common cold and insensitive. On the other finish, they might be seen as overly dramatic or irrational.

Excess people-pleasing: Many scapegoats grow upwards assuming that love is provisional. Therefore, they spend a great deal of time trying to keep other people happy. They assume that if they keep the peace, they will exist liked.

Difficulty forming secure relationships: Many scapegoats struggle with emotional and physical intimacy.

They may find themselves attracted to other narcissists or abusers because it's familiar to them. If they end upward in a healthy relationship, they may unconsciously sabotoge the dynamics.

Substance utilise and other addictive behaviors: Scapegoats ofttimes endeavour to escape their pain in various ways.

They may plough to certain vices like drugs or alcohol in an endeavour to numb their feelings. Besides, because they've frequently been told they're "bad" or "useless," they may assume they're doomed to addictive behavior.

Problems with real-world launching: Scapegoats may struggle in many settings, including the workplace, school, and in social interactions.

They might try to defy authorization or argue when they disagree with something. Or, they may be so used to being perceived as a failure that they don't fifty-fifty attempt to succeed.

Impaired self-esteem: More than anything, nearly all scapegoats struggle with a damaged sense of self. They may feel entirely worthless or crushing to others.

This low self-esteem tin deed as a launchpad for poor decision-making and impulsive behavior.

Tin a Scapegoat Become a Narcissist?

Family Scapegoats can certainly become egotistic as they become older. Many family scapegoats experience immense rage due to their condition in the family.

They know their function is unfair, but they are powerless to this dynamic when they're young.

That said, abuse is highly generational. Many parents who abuse their children were abused when they were young. Additionally, driveling children are at a greater risk of inflicting harm on their children.

Although one would retrieve someone would never desire to repeat abuse, this pattern is far more insidious.

Sometimes, the child frequently grows up idolizing the egotistic parent (even if they can't stand them), and they naturally start to orient their thinking in a style that matches theirs.

Family Scapegoats ofttimes desperately want a sense of ability and control over their lives.

Later on all, they accept spent then much fourth dimension being belittled. On a subconscious level, they understand that narcissists gain attending and validation. They may believe those narcissistic methods are the only effective ones.

What Happens When The Scapegoat Leaves the Narcissistic Family?

What happens when the scapegoat fights back? Most of the fourth dimension, tension increases afterward the family unit scapegoat leaves. With nobody to automatically blame, the narcissist scrambles to detect an outlet.

Many times, narcissists apace observe something or someone else to blame. If there is a golden child, they may start there. Suddenly, the golden child may accept over the scapegoat'south role.

But usually the narcissist continues to blame, mutter, and insult the scapegoat. They oft talk almost the scapegoat incessantly, even if they have been out of the home for years. Any nowadays result tin can be traced back to the scapegoat.

For case, if they lose their task, they may arraign it on helping their family unit scapegoat child with their homework, which resulted in lost productivity.

If they accept marital bug, they'll plough to the scapegoat for causing so much stress. Fifty-fifty getting a flat tire may trigger the narcissist to blame the scapegoat for not taking the car to the mechanic five years ago.

Keep in mind this blame isn't rational. To an outsider, it often sounds erratic, and that'due south because it can be.

Narcissism isn't based in logic. It's based on the narcissist's logic, which is skewed by their own worldviews and ego. Their narcissism allows them to justify and rationalize their decisions, even if information technology doesn't make sense to anyone else.

What Happens When The Family Scapegoat Child Goes No Contact?

At first, the reaction may seem paradoxical. The kid ofttimes feels similar the parent wants nothing to do with them. Merely in one case they go no contact, the parent all of a sudden becomes extremely interested in their whereabouts. Many times, the parent begins hoovering excessively to gain entry back into their life.

The hoovering often involves some class of gaslighting. The narcissist may deny ever harming their child. They might insist on how much they dear and care about them. At times, they may even beg for forgiveness and make lofty promises to change.

Scapegoats requite the narcissist a sense of control and power. Since they tin focus all their attention on their child'south problems, they never accept to look inward.

They never accept to consider the part they play in the dysfunctional dynamic. For a true narcissist, this deflection is paramount. They can keep behaving in their usual ways.

How Other Family Members React

Without the scapegoat, things may feel "likewise quiet." At this point, the narcissist has usually smeared the scapegoat child mercilessly. They volition take great lengths to spin the story to make them announced to be the victim.

Family unit members oft understand that the narcissist is "off," only they rarely want to face up the behavior straight.

Afterward all, they don't want to step into the path of destruction. Most of the time, they would much rather keep their peace and stay placidity.

The golden child may start acting upwardly once the scapegoat goes no-contact.

They may feel resentful that their sibling  has "broken free" from the bicycle of corruption. Aureate children are under immense pressure to remain perfect- the scapegoat's absence but reinforces this pressure.

Finally, it's non uncommon for parents to separate upwards and divorce once the scapegoat child leaves the house. Without the common chaos of "dealing with the scapegoat," the narcissist's partner may decide that enough is enough.

In other words, a scapegoat going no-contact tends induce chaos. The family unit has get and then used to pinpointing issues onto i person that they now feel completely off-guard.

How Do You Survive Being The Scapegoat Child?

It may accept you lot a long fourth dimension to realize that you were scapegoated as a child. This is normal. Narcissists are experts in manipulating people to believe their truth.

Scapegoat sons and daughter of narcissistic mothers and fathers must larn how to reparent themselves.

At first, this can audio like a tall guild. Information technology'south painful to realize that you didn't receive the essential needs all children require for emotional back up.

Reparenting yourself means recognizing your worth and honoring it as best you can.

Y'all aren't a bad person. Even if you've made poor decisions in the past, that doesn't mean you don't deserve love and forgiveness. It likewise doesn't mean you tin't change.

Many scapegoats benefit reaching out for professional support.

Therapy tin can help y'all understand your family dynamics and improve your confidence. It also offers y'all a safe place where y'all tin can explore your feelings without judgment or recourse.

If y'all struggle with mental health issues or addiction, it's important to gain the appropriate coping skills to manage these issues.

In add-on to therapy, it's of import to recognize your patterns of cocky-sabotoge. Exercise you still internalize the narcissist's criticism towards you? Do you continue to live in a way that tries to defy and rebel against them?

Finally, boundaries are imperative. You lot deserve to respect your integrity.

If you lot go along to permit the narcissist to define your identity, y'all'll keep to be scapegoated.

At the same time, you lot'll continue to experience resentful and frustrated. This is a miserable cycle, but you have the ability to brand the first change.

Surviving Scapegoat Corruption and Moving Through Scapegoat Recovery

There's no doubt that healing from narcissistic abuse can be heartbreaking and complicated. Information technology's challenging to truly recognize the perils of your babyhood. It's also challenging to decide how you desire to continue moving forrad.

Regardless of your upbringing, things tin can get better. You tin can have ownership over what happens next.

Recollect that you are now an adult, and this is your life. You can choose which people yous want to have around you. You can cover boundaries and respect your personal autonomy. If y'all have a egotistic parent, this freedom is invaluable.

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Source: https://thenarcissisticlife.com/the-narcissistic-family-the-scapegoat-child/

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